Another day she thought to herself. Wake up kids, feed them, daycare, work, then pick them up and bed. She felt tired and knew that this would not change anytime soon. She tried to lift her head but it felt as if it was wadded down by the world. She looked at the clock and wished to go back on time. What had she gotten herself into? If she had known that Mark would leave her like this maybe she would not have had children.
That made her think of the day she met Mark. There she was at another boring college party. Her friend was off dancing and she was left standing in a corner wishing she hadn't come. Then she saw him across the room. He had brown hair and blue eyes. She had never seen a guy with such bright eyes. He saw her looking and she quickly looked away. Next thing she knew he was standing next to her.
"Hey, you look bored. My names Mark," he said.
"I am Ashley," She replied with a giggle.
"I have an idea let's get out of here," he whispered.
"No, no," her older self screamed. But her younger self could not here or fore see what would happen so she said, "That would be nice."
She can see herself walking away with Mark and she cried. Oh God, my children deserve so much better than I can ever give them. She rolled on to her side trying to forget the past. She had to get up if she was late to work again she would fired. She could not aford that.
She pushed herself up and looked at the bed where Mark used to sleep. Who knew after two years it would still hurt this much. She punched the pillow and fell onto the bed. She pressed the pillow agianst her face so that her scream was muffled. She could still see Mark standing in the kitchen.
"What? What? You're pregnant again!" He cried. He fell to the ground. "I can't handle another child not right now. How could this happen?"
"Well?" I said laughing.
He looked mad. He was always mad. He hated his job, the house and sometimes it seemed like her. There was never a day they were not fighting.
"I CAN'T DO THIS!!!" He screamed.
"Well, we kind of have to," she whispered.
"No," he said coldly, "Ash, I have thought about this alot, latley. We do not have to do this, YOU have to. I can't, I'm done."
"What?"
He turned away from her and left through the front door. She never saw him again. Sometimes she wishes he will come back becuase she still loves him. But other times she wishes he would come back so she could tell him to piss off.
She thought I better get moving. She pushed her self up and walked to the bathroom. She let the water from the shower wash over her. She thought maybe this would get rid of the sad feelings. It just wasn't working. It never really did she just pretended it did so she could make it through the day. She got dressed and went upstairs to get the children.
She went into her sons' room. There was Davey in his bed. He would be three in a week. He had his car blanket snug against him and his stuffed dog. It used to be a yellow lab but now looked grey and matted. She then looked at the crib in the corner. Micheal was sound asleep curled up in his blue blanket he called blinky. It had so many holes in it she was amazed it still could keep him warm. She went over to the crib and picked up the pacifier next to him.
"Micheal," She whispered picking him up. He looked at her in a daze.
"Paassy?" he asked. She put it into his mouth.
She walked over to Davey's bed and said, "Davey time to get up."
"Nooo, moooommmmmyyyyy," he winned. She heard her daughter stiring in the other room.
"Mommy," She heard her daughter, Emily, say as she heard the door to her room open. She then saw her in the door way. "Brother, you have to get up. I don't want to be late to school."
Emily loved kindergarten. After school she always went to Grammie's house. She loved going there Grammie always made her pancakes with strawberrries for dinner. She wished her brothers didn't have to go there. They always made a mess and when Mommy got there Emily always had to pick it up.
"Mommy, you look sad," said Emily. She usually was good at hiding her feelings.
"It's nothing," She lied.
"It'll be okay," Davey said hugging her. Emily hopped on the bed and hugged them too. She began to cry. She had not cried once sense Mark left. It felt good to cry.
Finally she got her self together and said, "You know what Davey, you're right."
She thought I wouldn't trade this for the world. She kissed Emily on the head and smilied.
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